We Travel to Denmark!
Passports, passports, don’t forget the passports. Let’s check again. My passport, your passport, Isabel’s passport, and Amir’s passport. Amir is the only one among us who has a real German / EU passport. In case we all get deported, can we claim the residence permits as his family? Family reunion with a German citizen who happens to be a German shepherd, double score! Half German shepherd, or maybe a quarter, but still. Amir pays his taxes. Actually it is me who pays his taxes but who cares. However, there is no photo in his passport, the vets here said it is not necessary. So I am not so sure if it works.
Medicine, to not forget the medicine. Well, you and Amir don’t need any medicine, you are good. Isabel needs medicine just in case, she is healthy in general, knocking on the wood. I need three different pills. Yesterday I found out that the medicine that I was taking every morning during the last three years was absolutely not needed. Most likely it was prescribed to me as a placebo. Fucking doctors with their conspiracies. But there are other medicine too. Anti-depressants because I am all messed up. The day before yesterday I had a tiny panic attack while crossing the wooden bridge over the Spree. Who the hell builds bridges like this nowadays? Made of wooden boards, and you can see real water down there under the wooden boards. I was walking there with Isabel in the pram, sweating and imagining how one of the boards breaks, and we fall into the deep water. Water is fucking scary.
So I am all messed up but I have my magic pills and it helps me to seem normal and not sweat too much while crossing wooden bridges or any other bridges in general, also the ones that are not above water. I take one and a half pills every morning, and, honestly, I hate cutting the pills into two pieces. I hardly can ever make the halves equal. So every day I have a slightly different dosage.
Another medicine is an anticonception pill, and with it everything is pretty clear and straightforward.
What else. There is a pile of papers, our booking, some confirmations, whatever, whatever. Just in case, who knows what these people on the boarder might ask.
Of course food, a lot of food, Denmark is an expensive country, so we are taking with us canned tomatoes, pasta, rice, chocolate, and olive oil for God’s sake. We also packed two bags with alcohol. Mainly beer and wine, but there is also one very special bottle of a truly real champagne which was produced in Champagne, France.
I grew up in Russia, where we used to drink what is called Soviet Champagne. It was invented in the Soviet Union in the late 1930s. Soviet alcohol technologists were very proud that they managed to produce “champagne” just in one year, while in France they need years and years for this. Retards, those French people. However, in Germany I found out that this thing that I was drinking all my youth was not champagne at all. In the best case, it was sparkling wine. But today we are taking a bottle of real champagne with us.
And rings, we cannot forget the rings. These very unfairly overpriced silver rings.
Isabel’s stuff. Three blankets and a bunch of clothes, everything just in case, in case it will be cold, in case it will be hot, her dummies, her toys, her bottles, oh shit, we almost forgot the bottles. I never fed her with this artificial milk, but I will have to do this because my dress in which I am going to get married is kind of tight and I won’t be able to breastfeed her in it. And changing before and after the ceremony sounds too complicated, although the ceremony will last just five minutes. But to hell with it, it is our wedding and I want to wear a proper dress for a bit longer than five minutes. I want to travel in this dress on the ferry so you can take a nice photo of me with the sea. I hope I won’t have a panic attack from being so close to deep water. And afterward, I want to sit in this dress at our wedding breakfast.
Isabel will also wear a wedding dress, for her everything is so much easier.
Amir will not wear a suit because he will stay at home, which is a bit unfair from some point of view but taking him with us would be too much of a pain in the ass.
What else, I am taking a pile of socks and knickers, a bikini and a sweater, and warm cozy pants because I am afraid it will be cold. But I also hope it will be hot so I am taking a nice beach dress that I recently got at a swap-party.
A pram, oh shit, we almost forgot the pram. That would be one big catastrophe because we would have to carry Isabel in our hands everywhere since she cannot even crawl yet, but she is already pretty heavy. She is of a good weight actually, she is not fat at all. But it would be quite a challenge to carry her.
And laptops, I need to take my laptop, because I have this idyllic image of myself writing a book in the perfect green landscapes of rural Denmark.
I guess that’s it, more or less. It’s good that you are so organized and you remember everything because I would forget my own head. And then I would be panicking and checking constantly if we have everything we need. I am very lucky that you’re marrying me, but I guess you are very lucky too. But the luckiest is Amir, bless him, what would he do without us even with his fancy German passport.
Oh shit, passports. Don’t forget the passports, can you check again — my passport, your passport, Isabel’s, Amir’s…
